The Truth of the Story: A Secret of Mana Uncovery
by Sayermyst
Summary: Were you ever dubious of the personalities in the Secret of Mana? Do you want to know the characters' actual personalities (according to me)? Follow Randi, Purim, and Popoie through the realistic journey no one has ever had the chance to witness. Any idio
1. Bad to Begin With

Secret of Mana – without the gamers

This retelling was made on a spur of insanity. *Dilandau's voice* "This is going to be _such_ fun!"

Disclaimer: Secret of Mana is one of THE best RPGs out there. Unfortunately, I don't own a single part of it; I just manipulated the characters. What fun!

Secret of Mana - without the gamers to make the adventure euphemistic=)

Day1

Randi: You guys, I just don't know. Walking over a thin log, near a waterfall, with a _100 foot drop_ just doesn't seem like a very smart idea to me. Plus, the Elder told us not to.... 

Timothy: Aw c'mon Randi! I really think that the shiny thing Grandma was talking about is on the other side! Pleeeeeeaaaase! *puppy face*

Elliot: Look Randi, get your chicken butt over here or I'm kicking your ass!

Randi: Um... * Doubtful that the log will hold up much longer under Elliot's weight, but ireally/i doesn't want to get his ass kicked again* Okay.... *takes tentative steps until finally reaching the middle of the log* (whew) 

Elliot: See, chicken butt! Nothing to it! *whaps Randi on the back* 

Randi: uhhhh...ahhhhh! *falls off the log*

*SPLASH!*

Timothy: Uh-oh.... Oh, you're in for it now. Oh, gosh, you killed Randi! _You killed Randi!_

Elliot: Shut up twerp! If I get in trouble, then so do you. Besides, it wasn't my fault; he was just weak! *drags Timothy back to Potos village with him*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randi: *shaking head free of water* uhhhhh... Where am I? Oh. Yeah. I remember. Stupid Elliot. Good thing the water was 20 feet deep. (Great. Now how do I get home.? There's no way I can get through that brush with my bare hands, unless I jump, that is. Wait, jump? What is jumping by one's own free will? This world will never know....)

Strange Light Out of Nowhere: Raaaaaannnnndiiiiii. Raaaaannnnndiiii.

Randi: Wha-? Who is that? *bright light fades, revealing a rusty sword in a stone* Riiiiiiight. 

The Sword: Luke- erhem- I mean, Randi. I am your father. You are destined to pull me out of this rock.

Randi: (I think I hit my head too hard. Either that, or the sidestream off of Elliot's last joint was _amazingly_ strong.) Excuse me?

The Sword: Look, just pull me out of this rock, okay? You have no idea how long I've been here!

Randi: *whiny valley girl voice* But you're all rusty and dirty. I might cut myself trying to free you. Then I'll need a tetanus shot, and I hear those really hurt! *end whiny voice*

The Sword: Geez, you're a whimp! You won't get a tetanus shot; in fact, they don't have those in this magical game world. You'd just die. Now pull me out!

Randi: But-

The Sword: *glowing* NOW! Or I'll pop out and stab you myself!

Randi: Errrr.... *Tentatively placing hands on the hilt* 

The Sword: Firm grip, boy! Firm grip!

Randi: *tugs on sword* I'm try-. Whoa! That was easy! Yay! *swinging sword wildly* I've got a sword! *realizes that The Sword must be getting dizzy and stops* Uh... sorry about that.

The Sword: ....

Randi: Sword?

The Sword:....

Randi: * seriously questioning his own sanity* Fine! You don't want to talk anymore. That's just peachy with me! It's about time I put you to work, anyway! *Swings the sword in vicious arcs, slicing through the knee-high brush*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{back at Potos village}

Randi: *pant* *pant* I can't...believe... I made it. 

Elliot: *grabs Randi into a smothering hug* Ohhhhhhh! Randi! We were SO worried about you!

Randi: *throws off Elliot and scowls* Yeah, I just bet you were.

Timothy: We thought you were dead! *weeping profusely*

Elder: There you are, my dear boy! We were worried sick about yo- *stops in his tracks and narrows his eyes* What is _that?_

Randi: Huh? *glances at his hand* Oh, this? I found it in a hidden lake. Nice, huh? My very own sword... *smiling dreamily*

Elder: BAKA! YOU IDIOT! FOOL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU"VE JUST DONE?

Randi: Uh...no. 

Elder: That's the Mana Sword! 

Randi: Elder, your blood pressure-

Elder: It's protected our village for ages!

Randi: *blink* Are you okay Elder? I mean, it's just a sword-

Elder: You've released monsters near the village!

Randi: Wha-?

Elliot: *smacks Randi on the back of his head* Nice going, dumbas-aaaaaaahhhhh!

Randi: *falling with Elliot into a huge whole that suddenly appeared* Ahhhhh! *recovering quickly*

What _is_ this place? Some type of underground cave? 

Elliot: *crouched in a corner, shaking* *looking behind Randi with _very_ wide eyes*

Randi: (Elliot scared? Is this a dream?) Elliot, what is it? * turns to look behind his shoulder*

Ah!!!

*Reflexively swing up the sword to ward off the claws of a Mantis Ant whose head is as big as Randi's entire body* 

Randi: *sobbingly* What did I do to deserve this!? 

Elder(from above the pit): You pulled out the Mana Sword, that's what. You freed it, and so you're the one who has to kill it. Now stop running away from the thing and hit it with the Mana Sword! 

Randi& Elliot: I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!

Elder: Use the sword!

Randi: *whacking the Mantis' butt- er- abdomen ineffectually with the blade* I'm _trying_. I can't pierce it's outer shell!

Elder: So try something else!

Randi: *running again* Like wha- 

*The Mantis suddenly strikes his head toward Randi. Randi's wrist twists and he loses his grip on the sword, which goes flying – straight into the Mantis Ant's glassy eye and into it's brain. The monster puffs into smoke and its bones clatter to the ground*

Randi: Ewwwww.... *Reluctantly picking up the Mana Sword and a strange globe left in the ashes-*

Sayermyst: Received Sword's Orb! Dadadada!

Randi: Who said tha-?

Elder: Boy! Pay attention! We're trying to pull you up. *grabs a hold of Randi's hand and drags him from the pit* Nice going, my boy! * pounds him on the back affectionately* 

Randi: *cheerfully* So I'm forgiven?

Elder: Errrrr....

Elliot: *crying into his mommy's bosom* No! *sniffle* You almost got me killed! *sniffle* 

Randi: *grumbling* Your gratitude is overwhelming. I saved your life.

Irrelevant Potos Villager #1: This wouldn't have happened in the first place if you hadn't pulled out the Mana Sword!

Randi: How was I supposed to know that a rusty sword hidden in a not-so-very-hidden lake would be the...the...

Elder: Mana Sword?

Randi: Right. Exactly.

Irrelevant Potos Villager #2: He's a constant danger to our village with the freed Mana Sword. Monster's will be naturally attracted to him, and therefore attracted to the village. I say we banish him!

Randi: *jawdrop* Huh?

Irrelevant Potos Villager #3: Yeah! Banish him forever! 

Randi: * incredulous* I just saved your lives!

Elder: People of Potos Village-

All Potos Villagers: Ba-nish him! Ban-nish him! Ba-nish him!

Elder: -let us at least-

All Potos Villagers: Ba-nish him! Ban-nish him! Ba-nish him!

Elder: -try to maintain some order! 

All Potos Villagers: Ba-nish him! Ban-nish him! Ba-nish him!

Elder: I declare a vote! 

*The villagers slowly cease their chanting.*

Irrelevant Potos Villager #4: ...This is a democracy? I never knew that. How come you never told any of us villagers, Elder? Just what _are_ you trying to pull?

Elder: *slides hand down face (and beard) in frustration with the irrelevant villagers* This is _not_ a democracy. I'm only letting you vote for today.

Irrelevant Potos Villager #4: *downcast* Oh.

Elder: *back to looking dignified* Now. Raise your hand if you want Randi banished from Potos Village.

*All Potos Villagers raise hands*

Elder: Raise only one hand. And remember, you can only vote once. Keep them up so I can tally, please. *counts* Fifteen! Okay, now who wants Randi to stay? 

Timothy: * raises his hand (again)*

All Potos Villagers (except Timothy): *glare at Timothy*

Timothy: *swiftly lowers his hand*

Elder: Okay, now let me count....

Randi: *sweatdrop*

Elder: Sorry boy, but you are banished! 

*deafening cheers and scattered high-fives*

Randi: NANI!? {translated from Japanese: WHAT!?}


	2. Not Banished!

Still Day1

Still Day1

Disclaimer: NobOdy's MinE! NotHiNg Is MinE! 

Oh, but wait. I can have your review, right? Right? *wide, hopeful eyes*

PS- (Copied and pasted from Sayermyst's dream) Van and Dilandau ask you to review. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randi: *blink* But...but...just like that? Isn't there some type of law restricting this type of banishment, especially after I redeemed myself by protecting the village from that monster?

Irrelevant Villager #5: He *points to Elder* _is_ the law, remember?

Randi: *turning puppy eyes to Elder* Can't you make them let me stay? Pleeeeeeeeaaaase.

Elder: Sorry, boy, but majority rules. I can't have the disruption your presence would cause in this village.

Irrelevant Vill-oh, wait, it's Elliot: *points finger at Randi and adopts a Nelson-from-the-Simpsons attitude* Hah-hah! 

Elder: But before you're banished forever, my dear boy, there are some family issues I would like to discuss with you. *heads towards his house and gestures for Randi to follow*

Randi: *follows*

Elder: Please, have a seat

*Randi sits in a chair inscribed with ' Made in China, Electronically produced in Japan'*

Elder: *spreading Royal Jam on a piece of toast* Now, boy, you know I love you like a son...

Randi: *lifts an eyebrow and leans forward expectantly* uh-huh....

Elder: But the thing is...

Randi:...

Elder: Well...the truth is that...that I'm not your real...

Randi: * neck muscles are bulging from the tension* Yes? What is it Elder!

Elder: I'm not your real expert on adolescence issues, okay? I'm trying to break your naiveté gently!

Randi: Adolescence issues?

Elder: Women.

Randi:...Oh.

Elder: *reminiscing* Damn. I can't remember the last time I had myself a good one-night stand...

Randi: Elder! (He never speaks like _this_. And considering he's as old as-) * glances at Elder's crinkly face* ( ...well, I don't know _how_ old he is, but travelers, much less women, never pass through Potos village....) Uh, Elder, I don't know if I want to hear about this....

Elder: Fine fine fine. What kind of a teenage boy are you, anyway?

Randi: (A perfectly healthy one, except it's utterly disturbing talking about...women...with you)

Elder: I'll just give you a few pointers.

Randi: *sweatdrop*

Elder: First of all, women like the domineering type, strong and muscular. They also like it when you do things for them. Let me see...what else? *taking a bite of toast*

Randi: Elder....

Elder: Ah, yes! Also remember that sex talk makes them horny, if they pretend it doesn't.

Randi: *moan*

Elder: Oh, and about wet dreams.

Randi: Oi! *covering his ears with his hands- not that it blocks out the Elder's voice*

Elder: *muffled voice* Don't worry about them, boy. It's a natural phenomenon. 

Randi: *giving up the tactic of covering his ears and drops arms to the table* I know. I know! Is that all you wanted to tell me?

Elder: *popping the last bite of toast into his mouth* Yep. Oh, wait! There's something else I was going to tell you that's sort-of important.... Mmmmm, what was it? Darn short-term memory loss....

Randi: *prepared to sprint downstairs to escape another 'adolescence discussion'*

Elder: Ah, yes! That was it! I'm not your real father!

Randi: *falls from chair* 

Elder: *tsking* You are too easily surprised, boy.

Randi: *crawling back onto seat, dazed* What...? *shakes head to clear it* What? What do you mean-?

Elder: I'm saying that your mother abandoned you to me when you were but a babe in a basket. She just gave me your name and bid Adieu.

Randi: And you were going to tell me this _when_?

Elder: *shrug* Now seemed like a good time.

Randi: *rubbing forehead with palm* What's her name?

Elder: *shrug* Dunno

Randi: So who's my biological father?

Elder: She didn't say. Some knight or another, I think.

Randi: *sigh of relief* (At least he's not a dolt of Potos.)

*tangible pause as Randi absorbs the full impact of the information*

Elder:*slapping palms together and rubbing them* Well! That concludes our family discussion! Time for you to go!

Randi: *ready to depart*

Elder: Oh, and just as parting gift, you can have whatever is in the chest downstairs.

Randi: *blink* THE chest? As in the gold chest?

Elder: *suspiciously* How do you know what's insi-?

Randi: Woo-hoo! *scampers downstairs and opens THE chest* Yes! I-

Sayermyst: Received 25 gp!

Randi: *questioning validity of ability to hear annoying and anonymous voices* Gp? Oh, gold pieces. I get it. Wait a minute! Last time I checked , there were 50 gold pieces in here!

Sayermyst: *sweatdrop* Actually, there were 60 gp...before you took some, that is. You just be a happy little Mana Knight with your 25 gp, and I won't disclose the details of your use of the 10 gp you stole before I ever even _knew_ about the gold chest.

Randi: *gulp* ( the voice in my head can't possibly know about the XXX black market....)

Sayermyst: I AM GOD! Er, I mean, THE AUTHOR! I see _everything_. I hear _everything_. I know _everything_. *smirk- not that anyone can see me*

Randi: *yelling at the cieling* And _what_ did you call me? A man uh _what_? If you're insulti-

Sayermyst: Oh crap! That's what I forgot!

Randi: *?*

Elder (from upstairs): Boy, hurry up!

Randi: *somehow managing to stuff half a chest full of gp into a hand-sized pouch* Coming! *runs upstairs*

Elder: Don't run with pointy things! You could poke out your eye! Here's a sheath. *cinches a leather sheath around Randi's waist*

Randi: *secures sword* Hey, it's a perfect fit.

Elder: Well, d'uh. Everything fits perfectly in the magical game world.

*3 sharp raps at the door*

Elder: Mmmm, *makes for the door* I guess the villagers have arrived to personally escort you from Potos. *swings open the door*

* A man with light purple hair and an identical-colored short beard stands in the doorway. He's dressed in a black executive suit and covers his eyes with dark shades. Oh, and he also sports a flowing yellow cape*

Elder: *eyebrow raised* May I help you?

Man in Black: * with a nearly- monotone government agent voice* Sir, sources have informed us that there has been a recent monster siting in the area. Previous reports indicate that this area contained no monsters. We'd like to ask you a few questions.

Elder: There's nothing to say. If you want to see the giant dead bug, it's in that wide, gaping hole in the ground near our convenience store. *closing door*

Man in Black: *sticking foot in doorjamb* Ow! Stop pushing! That hurts! I saw the dead Mantis Ant already! I'm just looking for the guy who killed it!

Randi: *pushing ahead of Elder* _That_ would be me.

Man in Black: *scans Randi from head to toe then lowers his shades and looks back at Randi's face * You're kidding, right? Some adolescent who doesn't know the meaning of a haircut killed a Mantis Ant. Puh-lease. Save that tale for the X-files. I'm here on serious business.

Randi: *glaring daggers and tossing his head full o' hair* For your information, I take my hair very seriously Mr. Man in Black. You don't see volume like _this_ *runs a hand through his hair* on a guy everyday. Oh *leaning on doorjamb with arms crossed over chest* and I _did_ kill the Mantis Ant. In fact, they're banishing me for it!

Man in Black: *blink* They're banishing you for killing a monster?

Randi: Well, no. They're kicking me out of Potos because I pulled out this...*pulls sword out of sheath* ...this....

Elder: Mana Sword?

Randi: Right. Exactly. I pulled out the Mana Sword from some rock in the middle of swamp.

Man in Black: Lake

Randi: Whatever. How would you know, anyway?

Man in black: I've done my research. *faraway eyes, reciting a poem* _And the one who is to be shall pulleth the Excalibur from the smooth stone from that blessed lake. And he shalt be called the Mana Knight, as were called the saviour warriors preceding his time. Donning chivalry and cloaked with bravery, he shalt scourge the evils of the land, restoring-_

Elder: Pfht. Research my steely butt. _Everyone_ knows _that_ legend.

Randi: (...Except me) And you were going to tell me this _when_?

Elder: *shrug* Now seemed like a good time.

Man in Black: *chagrined but still dubious* Regardless, tests must still be done on the weapon to confirm its authenticity. According to my research-

Elder: *snort*

Man in Black: -only the destined Mana Knight may wield the Mana Sword. Now, if you'd allow me to examine the blade....

Randi: *reluctant* But you said 'Excalibur', not the 'Mana Sword'.

Man in Black: Same difference *reaches for the sword*

*The sword glows and zaps Man in Black's gloved hand. Man in Black screams shrilly in pain and frantically waves his hand to extinguish the flame.*

Randi: Whoa! Awesome! Um...are you okay?

Elder: *laughing so hard he fell on the floor*

*Man in Black finally succeeds in preventing his hand from becoming ashes, then calmly readjusts his shades*

Randi: *heh* Guess you don't need to do any more tests, huh? 

Man in Black: There's *pant* no doubt *****pant* that you're the real *pant* Mana Knight.

Randi: Did 'ja hear that, Elder? I am THE...the...

Man in Black: Mana Knight?

Randi: Right. Exactly!

Man in Black: And as such, I am to tell you that Luka will further inform you of your destiny at the Water Palace. Meet me there. 

Randi: Uh, couldn't we just go there together. I mean, I'm being banished in a few minutes, anyway.

Man in Black: Nope. This will be your first adventure, young man! How could I possibly deprive you of all of the excitement by showing you the path to the Water Palace, the very path that I know like the back of my hand? No no no no; that would be preposterous! *turning to leave*

Randi: Wait! What's your name?

Man in Black: *over his shoulder* Jema!

Randi: *now yelling across the village at the top of his lungs* Jema what!

Jema: *faint yelling in the distance* I go on a first-name basis! Don't we all?

Randi: *realizes no one has a last name* (mmmm, that _is_ true)

* tangible pause as Randi absorbs the full impact of the information (of his destiny, NOT of the missing last names*

Randi:...*gasp* Oh, gosh! Do you know what that means, Elder? It means I'm not banished from Potos village! *grabs Elder and gleefully shakes him* I was destined to leave on a quest, anyway! So ha. Ha. HA!

Elder: *extricating Randi's hands from the from his robe* Yeah, destined to leave by me banishing y-

Randi: *pressing hands against his ears and running out the door to the convenience store* Lalalalalalalalala. If I can't hear you, I don't have to acknowledge what you say! *bursts through convenience store door*

Clerk: *blink*... *glare*

Randi: *unplugging ears* Before you say _anything_, I am NOT banished!

Clerk: *scowl, about to argue*

Randi: _However_, the sooner you get me some candy and some armor, I'll gladly leave this village in order to pursue my _destiny_ as the _Mana Knight_. *heh*

Clerk: *unimpressed* *scrounging under shelf and then places four candies on the counter*

Randi: That's it? Four?

Clerk: There aren't any more. We forgot to reorder.

Randi: *grumbles and stuffs the candies into his pouch* 

Clerk: That will be 10 gp.

Randi: What? That's a ripoff!

Clerk: Au contraire, sir, they're on sale because they were expired...* checks empty bag* two weeks ago.

Randi: So how do I know they still work?

Clerk: I would give you my word, but since you probably wouldn't believe me, I suggest you stab yourself in the hand and then eat a candy. It's the surefire way.

Randi: *****grumble* *grudgingly tosses 10 gp onto the counter* And the armor?

Clerk: *scrounging around*

Randi: *running/hopping in place to release his excitement*

Clerk: *more scrounging*

Randi: *sounding like he has to go to the bathroom* C'mmmmonnnnnn!

Clerk: *pops up with-*

Randi: *facefault* A blue scarf? I was looking for something a little more, oh...I don't know..._METAL_!

Clerk: Once again, you are wrong. This is a bandanna.

Randi: Uhhhhh-huh. And this would protect me by...?

Clerk: Keeping the sweat out of your face so you don't go blind.

Randi: *sigh* Whatever. *snatches the bandanna and ties it around his forehead* How much?

Clerk:15 gp.

Randi: But that's all the money I have!

Clerk: Well looks like you have no money now, 'cause I can't see myself taking that bandanna back after you've had it on your oily teenage forehead. Pay up.

Randi: *wistfully parts with the rest of his gp and reaches the entrance of the village* *bowing dramatically* I bid you all _Adieu._ *walks out of Potos* Darnit! I forgot my secret stash of chocolate bars in my room. *turns to re-enter Potos*

Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: You are hereby ban-

Randi: *covers his ears*

Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: -from Potos village. Now get out of here!

Randi: Look, I just want to get-

Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village: You are hereby-

Randi: Grrrrahhhh! Nevermind! *stalks away* *scans surroundings* (Where exactly _is_ the Water Palace?)

Author's Note: Heehee. Enjoying the insanity? I just wanted to make lucid any misconceptions (well, some of them) and offer a vague description of how my brain was functioning while I wrote part two.

    1. Irrelevant Villagers- Just ask yourself, does anyone actually care about the normal, everyday villagers in a game?
    2. Royal Jam (I think it increases hp by 200....)- How else could an elder still be alive while living in a medieval society?
    3. Elder's advice- Okay. I'd like to see _you,_ at 3:00 in the morning, imagine what wise words a really old guy would have for his adoptive teenage son whom he will soon banish. Think about it. Don't you think that Squaresoft omitted just a bit of the conversation? Not that I'm belittling Squaresoft, of course.
    4. I AM THE AUTHOR!
    5. Man in Black- *caught in a spotlight* *defensively* What? Admit it; if there were a macho government agent in the Secret of Mana, it would be Jema. I simply decided that I would make his part a bit more obvious.~_^
    6. Convenience store- It's convenient and it's a store. Easy. Not some ambiguous name such as 'shop'.
    7. Bandanna- Yee-ahhh, right. A bandanna is going to protect his head.
    8. Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village- Do I have to explain this one? He is THE Strange Man Who Doesn't Have a Life And Constantly Guards the Entrance to Potos Village and won't let you enter the village even if you honestly forgot to bring your candy!

Well, c'est tout pour maintenant. Chapter 3 is presently being spewed, so check periodically!


	3. Fame And Wealth

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the unattainable things are mine only in my dreams

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, the unattainable things are mine only in my dreams.... (*zzz* Hehe...gotcha Van!)

Notes: Okay, this note is to everyone who thinks I'm a loon for rating this retelling NC-17. It's only a technicality. I just rate it that because I want a minimal safeguard against the chance that, late one night (while my insanity level reaches overload), I write something NC-17, post it unconsciously, some toddler says "Mommy, schoolgirl wrote bad things!", that Mommy writes fanfiction.net a long letter with the gist of "Will someone _please_ think of the children!", fanfiction.net sends a lawyer to sue every penny off of my high school butt, and I'm not able to say "Well I _did_ warn everyone!" Yes, I know I'm using the fallacy of slippery-slope, and yes, I know that I could simply change the rating when I decide to write something extremely dirty, but that would be more work for me. Yeah, I know; I'm lazy. Oh well. Maybe I'll change the rating sometime in the future.... 

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Day 2

Randi: *cracking eyes open* *moan* Uhhhhhhhhhn. (What happened?) * getting up from the grassy ground, albeit on unsteady feet* 

Sayermyst: *to the people of the non-magical game world* Okay everyone, you didn't see what happened and had no idea what was going to occur because Randi didn't see it coming, either. Well, I saw what befell him, simply because I AM the author. To make a long story short, he fell to the ground. To make the short version of a retelling a bit more detailed, a few yards away from Potos, after turning a bend in the path around a cluster of trees, he collapsed to the ground. To expound upon the detailed short version, a few yards away from Potos, after turning a bend in the path around a cluster of trees, he fell to the ground because of the aftershock of falling 100 feet (120feet) from a log, talking to a sword, being threatened by the sword, almost dying, killing his first monster, being banished, having a disturbing adolescence discussion (with his old, adoptive father), discovering that his old, adoptive father never was his biological father, seeing a man in black with a yellow cape, learning of his destiny, realizing that he was flat out broke, and forgetting his chocolate, _all in one day!_ Poor guy! Oh, yeah, and he had tied his bandanna too tightly. Back to Randi.

Randi: {unpaused} *pressing one hand to his temple while using the knuckles of the other to rub his eyes* (Post-traumatic stress syndrome?) *While shaking his head to clear his eyes, spots something little and furry sleeping near his foot* Awwww, how cute! So that's the warm silky thing I felt while I dreamt about... {er...eh-hem. end thought} *bends down to lift the yellow furry ball into his hands* A rabbit? (Wow. I thought only dogs were supposed to keep you warm while you slept. Ah. Oh, well; it's still adorable.) *smiling because cannot cease fascination with the Yellow Ball's utter cuteness*

Yellow Ball: *drowsily opens big, shiny blue eyes*

Randi: *heart ba-bumps at overwhelming innocence*

Yellow Ball: *yawn- which reveals the razor sharp teeth inside its mouth*

Randi: *sweatdrop*

Yellow Ball: *yawn tactically turns into an attack for the nearest jugular- Randi's*

Randi: Ahhhh! Dangerous cuteness! *yanks Yellow Ball (realizing it's a long unseen Rabite) from his neck before the thing gets a chance to sink its blood-sucking mouth of knives into his neck.* Get off! *whips out the Mana Sword* You wanna piece a' me? * makes beckoning motions* Bring it on!

Sayermyst: *ding ding* Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! And it looks like the Rabite is effortlessly evading Randi's swings and swips! 

Randi: Graaaaahhh! *running in circles after the Rabite, all the while gripping the Mana Sword above his head*

Sayermyst: Ohh! In one swipe he slices both the ears off of the Rabite. Woo! There goes the fuzzy tail! Not so cute anymore, are ya?

Randi: *swings the sword down*

Sayermyst: Rabite gets whacked! Ewwww...{One blood-covered yellow hemisphere lies _far_ to the right of Randi, while the other half colors the grass red _far _to the left of Randi}

Randi: * eyes the blood-stained coins scattered on the ground* *picks up the gp gleefully* Yay! *processing information* (Mmmm...killing monsters=money) * eagerly scans the area ahead and maniacally slaughters two more Rabites.* Woo-hoo! Wealth! *****salivating profusely***** So...much... wealth....

*Amid his killing, he spots a sign, reads ' Water Palace ^', and makes a destructive path in the direction of the Water Palace. For example: 

Randi: *eyes a Big Walking Mushroom (aka Mushboom) dancing around a tree*

Big Walking Mushroom: *dances over to Randi*

Randi: *takes out the Mana Sword*

Big Walking Mushroom: * unleashes one of his 7-foot radius sneezes* 

Randi: *falls unconscious from overload of allergic reaction*

Big Walking Mushroom: *starts kicking Randi in the head (Sayermyst : Don't ask me how a mushroom kicks. Maybe it's actually stomping. I really don't know.)*

Randi: *recovers* *runs the Big Walking Mushroom through, then proceeds to dice the fungus into itsy-bitsy pieces* *gleefully picks up the coins, grinning* 

{almost to the Water Palace}

Randi: *feels something bite his ankle and starts feeling woozy* *looks around for the culprit but sees only bunches of pretty pink flowers* I'll...get...you...later. *stumbles into a clearing before the Water Palace*

*Randi identifies four soldiers in a line. Speaking to them is a fifth soldier (Randi: (The captain?)) who can attest to having a head of shiny, full, blond hair, and who wears a more stylistic breastplate and a nifty pair of orange pants*

All the Soldiers: *turn to look at a bleary-eyed, bloody, blue-faced Randi who's making a vain effort at walking straight*

Soldier #1: Dude! Wow, did you like, get high and then go fight someone? You don't look so good....

Captain: *sigh* Druggins, did you hear me? How many times must I brief this regiment? Pay attention! *turns around and sees Randi*

Randi: Don't...don't mind...me. Just passing through. Hey. What are you guys doing, anyway?

Druggins: Oh, dude, we're going on a witch hunt! 

Soldier #2: A mission of great importance!

Captain: Men! As lenient as I am, I demand total obedience! We are not to spread panic!

Druggins & Soldier#2: *standing erect* Yes, sir, Captain Dyluck, sir! 

Randi: * making huge efforts to be coherent- and it shows* Sounds very interesting. I'm going to the Water Palace for a few minutes, but I could come right back and help you, if ya want. Hey, ya know what? I'm *poking self in chest with his thumb* the Mana Knight. The one in the legends. So...yeah. 

Captain Dyluck: *humoring the clumsy bum who is calling himself the Mana Knight* Of course, you are. *gently places a small bag in Randi's palm* Why don't you go to the Water Palace now? I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss your appointment.

Randi:'Kay. *opens bag and pulls out what appears to be a turnip* *slurred* Wha 'er 'ese? Turn'ps?

Druggins: *whisper* Dude, they taste awful, but if you take one, your boss-man can't tell that anything's wrong with you.

Soldier #3: *whisper* They're called herbs.

Soldier #4: *whisper* And their actual purpose is to act as an anecdote for poisons.

Soldier #2: *whisper* They're very handy, considering the fact that they're multipurpose. My grandfather, he grows Lullabuds, and he uses herbs every day! 

Randi: *loudly* Lulla-what? *pops an herb into his mouth and makes a face in distaste* 

Captain Dyluck: MEN! Did you hear me? It's very important that you understand the details, especially the positions, of our attack. One flaw could get us all captured and killed.

Soldier #4: I got most of it...

Soldier #2: If you could just repeat the last part. Oh, and where am I supposed to be when we start scaling the walls of her castle? I kinda forgot....

Soldier #3: I know we have to kill the werewolves, kill the witch, kill the tiger...yep, basically just kill kill kill....Right?

Druggins: Dyluck-man, I got, like, the whole gist of the operation, so you can count on me two hundred and one percent!

Captain Dyluck: *** **sliding hand down his face* *groan* Uhhhhhhhhn. Screw it. Let's go. *leads his regiment between two transport pillars*

Randi: *starts to follow, but then realizes (since the herb is beginning to fix his mind) that he still has to go see Luka at the Water Palace so that he may learn about his destiny* OoOo, Water Palace....*sloshes through the shallow water surrounding the huge waterfall-covered building, reaches the doorstep, and faints from loss of blood. His head hits the door*

Jema: *hears a thud at the door and pulls out his sword* If you'll excuse me Luka, I believe I heard something at the door. *Goes over many bridges over bottomless gaps and through a room with shallow water to reach the door. Opens the heavy door cautiously....* Aw, crap. *drags Randi by his collar through the water filled room and over the bridges over bottomless gaps*

Randi: *slowly regaining consciousness* *sees a blue-veiled lady peering over him* Pretty lady...

Jema: *face pops into Randi's field of vision* Boy? Boy? Can you hear me? This is Luka, wise protector of the Water Mana Seed. 

Randi: Hullo

Luka: Hello to you, my dear boy. By what name do people call you? I'm afraid Jema neglected to inform me.

Randi: *sitting up and holding hand to head* Huh? Oh, my name's Randi, THE Mana Knight. * all playboy attitude* Hey, Jema didn't add that you were so beautiful and young

Luka: *laughing, amused* My my, and what a sense of humor you have! If the truth be told, I'm 200 years old as of yesterday.

Randi: *blink* *blink* Uh...ummm... *clears throat* H-happy belated birthday....

Jema: *helping Randi to his feet*

Luka: *laughing once again* Oh, my dear boy, don't be so bashful! Many people mistake my age. In fact, I'll let you in on a little beauty secret. *whispers* I use Neutrogena Anti-Wrinkle Cream twice a day. 

Randi: *still woozy from blood loss* Oh. Well, if you'll excuse me for a moment, Miss Luka, I'm gonna eat a candy.

Luka: No need to waste a good candy while I'm around. *touches him and his wounds heal*

Randi: *gaping* * now perfectly comfortable with Luka's age* Not only are you beautiful, you're also very skilled.

Luka: * blushing and giggling* I've always had a knack for it ever since I was a child.

Jema: Uh-hem.... Sorry to interrupt your conversation, but about the destiny of the Mana Knight....

Luka: Oh, right. Well, I could say a lot of things that would simply scare the wits out of you, but basically, you must find all eight Mana Seeds-

Randi: What's a Mana Seed?

Luka: * knocks on the HUGE Water Mana Seed* They all look like this. This one is the Water Mana Seed.

Randi: Ohhhhhh. *eyes the Seed and wonders how big the tree is that would grow and how many villages like Potos it could displace with its roots* 

Luka: Anyway, find all eight of them, although now you only need to find the other seven, and restore them with the Mana Sword.

Randi: ... That's it? (I thought it would be more...heroic.)

Luka: Well, that and you have to do it before the villains of the world steal the Mana from the seeds, and fix whatever your nemeses screw up. Otherwise, the world will be completely destroyed. 

Randi: Now that's more like it! * imagines his heroic self standing gloriously upon a raised platform, with crowds singing his praise for saving the world and beautiful women vying for his attention*

Jema: Randi!

Randi: *snaps out of fantasy* Huh? What?

Jema: I said 'Do you have any questions?"

Randi: Oh, yes. Some. *turns to Luka* Why are all the Mana Seeds unsealed to begin with?

Luka: Oh, that one's easy; it's because Mana is weak.

Randi: So they become vulnerable at the time when they are most needed to be strong?

Luka: Ummm, yes. No, wait, hold on, I know this from the Mana Seed Protectorate Tutorial. *takes a few minutes to concentrate (Give her a break; she's 200years old.)* Okay, I think I have the answer. The seeds double as a gauge and a restorer. Mana is weak; they become unsealed. The Seeds are sealed; Mana is restored.

Randi: Well that's a pretty dumb system....

Jema: *whacks Randi on back of head* Watch your mouth, young man!

Randi: Well, it is! *eyes Jema cautiously and dodges another whack* So, let me get this straight. Mana is weak, the Seeds are unsealed, I restore them with Mana power from the Mana Sword, Mana is restored to the world, and I'm a hero.

Jema: _If_ you succeed. _If_. 

Luka: That means constant training, Randi, because the Mana Sword will only become more powerful as you use it. That means you really have to work. 

Randi: Oh, don't worry. I'm not running away from monsters so much anymore because they spew money. (This Mana Knight thing is cool. I get fame _and_ wealth. Heh heh.) 

Jema: *eyebrow raised* Yeeeeess. Well, for whatever personal reasons you have, just don't screw up and kill the world. It sickens me to think that I have to depend on an egotistic, no-sense-of-hairstyle _teenager_ with the survival of the world. Of all the luck...*trails off grumbling and turns to leave*

Randi: Wait! Where are you going?

Jema: Not that it's any of your busin- *stops when remembers that Randi _is_ the Mana Knight* To check Pandora. My informants have...informed me that there's some type of zombie problem going on down there. That's what you get when you live next to an ancient temple, I guess. *turns to leave again*

Randi: Well, what about me?

Jema: *sighing* *Really does NOT want Randi accompanying him to Pandora* Y'know, Randi, that _rusty_ sword of yours doesn't look very heroic. There's a good blacksmith down in Gaia's Navel who can help you make it look all nice and shiny. 

Randi: *interest piqued* Really? What's his name?

Jema: *irritated* Huh? Oh. What's his name? Watts-

Randi: his name.

Jema: Right. Watts-

Randi: his name.

Jema: No! I know what you said! I'm telling you that the guy's name is Watts!

Randi: *slightly confused* Oh.

Jema: I'm leaving. Farewell, Luka. *leaves, stomping/sloshing through the water*

Luka: Well, there's only one thing left for you, Randi. Go ahead.

Randi: ...What?

Luka: Why, seal the Seed, of course!

Randi: Oh. Right. * takes out the Mana Sword and climbs onto the highest step of the platform and tries to peer inside*

Luka: *sarcastically* Please. Just take your lovely time, why don't you? It's not as if I could die anytime soon!

Randi: *utterly chagrined*...Sorry. So, do I just raise my sword... like this-? *stops when sees the Seed float* 

*The Seed beeps, emitting a shockwave that sends Randi flying –to eventually crash into Luka*

Luka: *appalled* Why you...you pervert! Get off of me! *screeches* GET OFF! 

Randi: *disentangles himself from Luka's robes and is awarded with yet another scratch* I...I didn't mean to! Ow! * To escape Luka's claws, speeds out of the building*

Luka: *throws a spear at Randi, barely missing his head by a fingernail's width and instead hitting a marble column*

Randi: *stops to take the spear from the column and looks wide-eyed back at Luka through the doorway, then runs, resting only when the Water Palace is out of sight*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayermyst: You like? Oui?


	4. Of a Salesman, Petals, and Gold

Disclaimer: 

Disclaimer: 

Sayermyst: *tapping on shoulder* Squaresoft. Hey!

Squaresoft: What?

Sayermyst: I demand you hand over the propriety rights of the Secret of Mana. *pulls out a .22*

Squarsoft: *pulling out an AK-47* How about no?

Sayermyst: *dejectedly* Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Notes: Sorry for taking so long on this one, everyone. I had to take the time to settle into the wave of insanity again. Anyway, I became a bit more...shall I say, _creative_ with this section, so if you're reaction is along the lines of "...riiiiiiight," that's okay. 

Still Day 2

Randi: *Figuring he has nowhere else to go (other than through the two pillars to the Haunted Forest, where –with his sanity back- he decides not to go) he travels south a bit in an attempt to find Gaia's Navel* Sign, sign. Need to find a sign...Ah-ha! *walks over to the sign and feels something bite his ankle, after which he immediately swallows another herb to dispel the nauseous feeling* Alright, damnit! *glares around in the bunch of pink flowers and unsheathes his sword* I've had enough of this! Come out and face me like a true monster! * sees something rustle the bunch of pink flowers*

Pretty Pink Flower: *sway*

Randi: *cautiously searching for the monster that is moving the flowers*

Pretty Pink Flower: *sway, sway*

Randi: ...

Pretty Pink Flower: *****swaying enticingly*

Randi: (??? The...flower. It moves like a woman! What an enchanting species....) * bends to pluck it from the earth*

Pretty Pink Flower: *CHOMP*

Randi: Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! My hand! *ineffectively swings the Mana Sword at the flower while clumsily popping yet another herb into his mouth* It's you! You bit me earlier you stupid frikin' plant! Die! *rushes towards it blade-first*

Lullabud: *easily evading Randi's swipes because of its shortness* *points to itself with one of its multi-leaved leaves and shakes it head innocently*

Randi: *pauses* Well, even if it wasn't you last time, it was you this time! 

Lullabud: *CHOMP*

Randi: Evil *Pops another herb in his mouth* Evil plant! And how dare you imitate a woman to gain my attentions! That's not fighting fair! *charges again*

Lullabud: *easily evading the charge once again* *graces Randi with an _adorable_ little flower grin, holds up a tiny flower fist and raises the middle leaf/finger*

Randi: *squinting to decipher the flower code* Just what kind of sign language...? *!!!* Why you little.... *approaching Lullabud with a predatory gait* I'm gonna chop you up into so many pieces you're family won't be able to recover one speck of gp from your decimated plant body! I will have taken every ounce! *makes to deliver a fatal blow, but with the first motion is stopped by the pain of another sudden bite to his ankle. He looks toward the ground to discover the kin of the Lullabud #1* *gulp* My, I never realized what a large...family... you have.... 

Lullabud: *snicker* 

Randi: *Backing up slowly, scrounging for an herb to rid himself of the oncoming woozy sensation- to discover that his supply has already been depleted* And of course, by 'decimating you into so many pieces your family won't be able to recover a speck of gp from your body', I mean 'Why can't we just be friends?' *cheesy nervous smile, while sheathing the Mana Sword in a gesture of peace*

All the Lullabuds: *rising into a wave of their poisonous selves, ready to crash down in Randi's direction*

Randi: *craning head back to see the top of the plant wave* Oh. Shit. *runs like a bat out of hell*

All the Lullabuds: *crashing towards Randi*

Randi: *shouting* Heeeellllp! *huff* This...*huff* is not...*huff* right! Pretty things in nature *huff* are supposed to be nice! *huff* Pink is the friendly color! *huff* I didn't do anything! It's *huff* not my fault! *huff* It started it! Not me! *spots a cozy little cottage in the midst of the woods* 

Anonymous Choir: *gloriously* AwwwwhhhhhhAhhhhhhh!

Sayermyst: *peeved* Okay! Where did the cottage come from? I was enjoying my scene of Randi running from the wave of psycho plants. Who would live out in the middle of nowhere, especially if they could gather a significantly larger amount of business living in a village?

Neko: *glare warningly*

Sayermyst: Huh? Wha-? Oh. Ohhhhh, this is your cottage? *sees audience* Whoops, uh, no offense intended. It's my dysfunctional side talking, really it is. You know, late at night, computers, chocolate syrup, bathtubs, flame throwers, seashells....*sweatdrop* Er... I'm going now. *leaves the scene* 

Randi: *has finally reached the cottage in the woods and is now pounding against the door* Open the door! Let me in! Lemme in! Lemme in! Lemme-! *falls in as the door is suddenly opened*

Catman with a cowboy hat: *shutting the door* Welcome, how may I help you?

*much tiny patting and pittering is heard hitting the door*

Randi: *sprawled on the floor* Wha'ever you do, don't open tha' door.

Catman with a cowboy hat: Mista soun' like in need of herbs, yes?

Randi: *losing consciousness* Uhnn. Yessss.

Catman with a cowboy hat: This good! Business been slow for very long time. You first customer in weeks! Now, here is the herb. *placing the herb in one of Randi's hands* Now you give me money. *Reaches for Randi's money pouch*

Randi: *stuffing the herb in his mouth and simultaneously springing up from the floor, using his other hand to grasp the pouch away* Don't touch my gp! D'you 'ave any idea how long it took t' colle' all this? And I wo' 'ave i' stolen by some catman jus' 'cause I'm falling unconscious.... *collapses onto one of the three beds*

Catman with a cowboy hat: Hey, you no pay, you no stay! *makes another grab for the money pouch*

Randi: *clamps his money pouch between the top of his thighs* Whe' I wake up.... *snore*

Catman with a cowboy hat: *shaking his head, grumbling* You a dirty man, Mista. A sick, _sick_ teenager.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day 3

Randi: *peering eyes open, only to see the catman*

Catman with a cowboy hat: *face to face with Randi, grinning* Now you pay, yes?

Randi: *yawning leisurely* Yeah yeah yeah. Hold on. * Takes pouch from between his thighs and nearly winces at the ache* How much do I owe you?

Catman with a cowboy hat: Emergency service alone is one hundred gp. Herb costs twenty gp. Inn services are... *eyeing full money pouch* ... fifty gp.

Randi: What?! But those prices are even more ridiculous than the ones in Potos! Practically double or more! Who _are_ you anyway?

Catman with a cowboy hat: I am salesman Neko, kindly vendor to all unfortunates and then some. Now, please, the money, or I shall be forced to kill you with my claws.

Randi: *reluctantly acceding* *grumbling* Stupid cat. Rotten salesman....*drops the gp into Neko's furry palm*

Neko: *Closes palm around the gp, counting and caressing every coin*

Randi: *arms crossed, still sitting on the bed* Y'know, I am THE...the....

Neko: Mana Knight?

Randi: Right. Exactly. So you should give me a discount or something.

Neko: * holding extreme dubiousness, sees Randi's serious expression, spurts poorly withheld laughter* 'Dis very nice mista. You very funny teenager! Everybody try _that_ ploy with Neko, but you de funniest yet! *wiping laughter tears from eyes, irritates eye with fur and instead wipes with sleeve* A teenager with fluffy hair, who runs away from Lullabuds, is gonna save the world. Oh, the insanity!

Sayermyst: Hey, that's _my_ line!

Neko: *warning glare at the roof*

Sayermyst: Ummm...right.

Randi: I'm serious!

Neko: *humoring the teenager with fluffy hair who thinks he is going to save the world* Yes yes, of course. Now, will there be anything else you require?

Randi: Um.... (Oh, I miss my stash of chocolate!) Chocolate?

Neko: Just chocolate? Please, follow me to counter. There are lots of other things for you, mista. *beckons to follow*

Randi: *follows*

Neko: Here four chocolate bars.

Randi: Just four? *stuffs three of the bars into pouch and voraciously unwraps and eats the fourth* (mmmm...Breakfast of champions!) *Instantly he feels totally refreshed, the bags underneath his eyes disappear and his hair becomes glossier*

Neko: *lifts a furry eyebrow* You no blame Neko. I reorder many days ago, but nothing is sure with monsters around. * scrounges through the shelves more, finds a sack of something, and blows off a layer of dust, setting it on the counter* And herbs, 'dis really something you need when you skip through the flowers outside. 

Randi: (Well, that's one thing a person can never have enough of....) Yeah, I'll take the sack, too. * (disposes of the last herb sack) ties the new herb sack next to the pouch* Um...do you have any armor? You know, something metal?

Neko: *thinking* My store not carry much in way of armor, but...*digs out a bracelet from a bin of miscellaneous junk* this is the top line in fashion these days. 

Randi: *trying it on* Uh-hn. And how, exactly, does this help me?

Neko: *conspiratorially* One thing I know for sure that's good about this: Lullabuds can't bite you on the wrist. And oh, just man to man, the ladies love them.

Randi: (To buy or not to buy...) You're sure?

Neko: Would I lie?

Randi: ...I'll take it. *feeling grateful to thecatman*** **What do I owe you, Neko sir?

Neko: My fine quality goods total to the sum of every gp coin you have in that pouch, and then some. But I like you, so I give you fair deal. Just give me all of the gp in your pouch. Yes?

Randi: *glaring* How 'bout no? (Which one.... I should probably keep the herbs....) I'll simply return these three other chocolate bars....* digs out the three chocolate bars and slaps them onto the counter's surface* *mock respect* I would like to return these items, please. *places a substantial amount of gp with the chocolate to pay for the herbs and wristband*

Neko: This is no problem. I am always happy to transact with a customer. * gathers the money and goods, calculates, then closes the register and clicks 15 gp onto the counter*

Randi: *scrutinizes the meager amount of coins* This can't be right. You did your calculations wrong!

Neko: Mista, shipping and handling very expensive these days. And the chocolate's value was cut in half for being in the bag that was near your crotch all night. * raises hands and shrugs* I am simply a poor, humble, shrewd businessman trying to make his way in the world.

Randi: If this is all I get back for the chocolate, I want those three bars back!

Neko: Of course, as the customer wishes. *bows and retrieves the bars from the shelf*

Randi: *tosses the 15 gp into Neko's paw, stuffs the chocolate in his pouch, and turns to leave*

Neko: Mista! This only half the cost of the chocolate! You owe me the rest in your bag!

Randi: What?! You charge me double the price you gave me for them?

Neko: I could not be where I am today if I let people slide. My policy *points to The Board of Policies on the wall* clearly states my rules. 

Randi: Well, what if I just return them again? 

Neko: I can't allow you to do that. They're now officially contaminated and may spoil my other goods. No, you see, money the only way.

Randi: *gives the money* You'll be sorry. You are ticking off one powerful guy here. I am THE-

Neko: Mana Knight?

Randi: Right. Exactly.

Neko: *snorting with laughter*

Randi: I hate you. *opening the door, grumbling* Lousy, sleazy, no-good....*pauses in front of closed door when he hears...nothing* (O-kay. What happened to the Lullabud Gang?) *cautiously nears a bunch of serene pink flowers that _look _like Lullabuds and jabs one with the tip of the Mana Sword*

Pretty Pink Flower: *being jabbed*

Randi: *slices the stem from beneath the flower*

Pretty Pink Flower: *dead*

Randi: *whew* (Well at least this isn't the bunch of bloodthirsty Lullabuds-)

The Bunch of Bloodthirsty Lullabuds: *moving closer very quickly*

Randi: ( GP GALORE!!!) *readies his blade at the oncoming mass* Ohhhhhh, you are just _pleading_ to die! *rushes ahead*

Sayermyst: Wow, I haven't seen him fight this skillfully since...well, he's _never_ fought _this_ well. Randi, save some for the bosses. 

Randi: *slicing and dicing the flurry of Lullabuds* Grahh! *swip* Nnaaa! *swing* Erraa! {Translation: indecipherable male battle grunts} 

Sayermyst: So much whacking! *poetically* It is as a rainfall of petals and gold....

Randi: Yay! I have my money back! *begins collecting all of the gp from the ground, while keeping Neko (who rushed outside) at bay with the Mana Sword*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayermyst: Neko bothers the heck out of me. Oh, sure, he'll save your life at times, but there's always a price. Isn't there? ISN'T THERE?!

Neko: *stops counting his gp to glare*

Sayermyst: No complaining. * to people of the non-magical game world* Oh, and the next part should be coming out fairly soon. *getting tingly all over because the next part will be even more fun than this one* *tapping fingers together* I have plans....

PS- I made a slight change to the end of chapter 3. (I had to atone for my forgetfulness. It's all Neko's fault, whining about my narration)....


	5. Injustice!

Disclaimer: After my little episode with Squaresoft, I've decided to concede that the Secret of Mana is officially theirs and to leave them alone for a while

Disclaimer: After my little episode with Squaresoft, I've decided to concede that the Secret of Mana is officially theirs and to leave them alone for a while. *towards the back* Hey Dilandau! Prep the Alseides! I've got a mission for you....

Notes: First of all, much thanks to Jonatan L, but I'm trying to keep a low profile at the moment. However, if the need arises, I'll take you up on your offer. Secondly...well, I finally convinced myself to change the rating on this story, but it's taking an unusually long time for fanfiction.net to publicly change it. Oh well, one more button to click for you. Thirdly... oh, just read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{Two hours later, after collecting the hoard of gp}

Randi: *reads sign* Potos, Water Palace, Pandora...but no Gaia's Navel....Mmmm. (I'll simply follow the obvious, wide open path.) *kills the stray Lullabud in his path, collects the gp, and encounters another sign* *reads:

Now entering the National Goblin Reservation. Fraudulent goblins and trespassers shall be tried in a court of law. Justice shall be served.* (Well how else am I supposed to get through? Besides, if Jema could get through with no problem...) *takes a step forward* 

{Randi immediately becomes affronted by two Goblins that popped out of the bushes with amazing speed. They wield axes as clubs, tapping the backsides of the weapons against their gigantic palms.}

Goblin #1: *****grunting* Trespasser.

Goblin#2: *nod*

Randi: Huh? But I didn't even pass the sign!

Goblin #2: *stepping on Randi's foot to keep him from retracting it behind the boundary line of the Goblin Reservation* Trespasser.

Goblin #1: *nod*

Randi: *pulling at his own leg in an attempt to free his foot*

Goblin #1 &Goblin #2: *club Randi on the head*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Randi: *sweaty and hot* *In a southern gent accent* Mmmm... why I thank ye Ms. Catwoman *picturing a sexy woman with ears and a tail* I do enjoy my baths....

Unidentified voice: *chortle* Well, then enjoy it a lot, 'cause it's certain to be your last.

Randi: *eyes popping open* (!!!) *sees a dark surrounding with the exception of a large, circular opening through which he can see the sky* What? Who are you? Where am I? Where are you?

Unidentified voice: Don't you remember? I am one of the enforcement officers of the Goblin Reservation who arrested you. You're in our finest, largest cauldron. I'm standing guard.

Randi: Ohhhh, I see. *pause* No, wait, I don't. Why am I in a cauldron? Why am I in _your_ cauldron?

Goblin #1: Justice will be served. 

Randi: ...What?

Goblin #1: *laughing his ass off* Get it? Justice will be served. You will be served. *another round of laughter* I am so good.

Randi: What? *realization sinks in, yells at the cauldron wall* WHAT?!

Goblin #2: Oi. Don't you humans understand anything? You'd think you where wearing dorky head masks that impaired your thinking skills. I said-

Randi: I thought I had the right to a fair trial in a court of law!

Goblin #2: You did have a trial. You were just unconscious. We helped you up onto the witness seat, we asked you if you'd been trespassing, and you hung your head in shame.

Randi: *thunked his head against the side of the cauldron in frustration, but stopped when the burning sensation registered in his brain* I was asleep! _Asleep._ As in _sleeping._ As in unconscious and not in control of my body. I was hanging my head in sleep, not shame! It's not fair!

Goblin #1: Who said anything about fair? You're dreaming Mr. Human. Did you even _read_ the sign? It said absolutely _nothing_ about being fair.

Randi: Of course I read the sign! There had to be something about 'fair' in there. I can read. Pfht. I am not stupid. *makes to punch at the Goblin through the cauldron* *yelps when hand is singed*

Goblin #2: Either way, we're eating you. Incoming of fresh Rabite carcasses! 

Randi: *hit by a barrage of Rabite carcasses* Ewwwww... *spots a few pieces of unclaimed gp and confiscates it for his own use*

Goblin #2: Try not to urinate so much, okay? There's only so much of that taste Chief likes in his food.

Randi: You know what I think? I think you guys are bluffing. If you were serious, you would have cut me into pieces with your axes, and _then_ you would have thrown me into here. Plus, I still have my sword. So, joke's over. I've learned my lesson. You can let me go now.

Goblin #1: *snort* Yeah, as if _you_ could hurt us. *to other Goblin* But...you know, maybe we should have chopped him into pieces... It would keep him from urinating too much. Dead things can't pee.

Randi: (Whoops)

Goblin #2: Who's the chef here, me or you?

Goblin #1: *grumble*

Randi: (Whew)

Goblin #2: *justified* That's what I thought. I know how Chief wants his food. He likes the skin so warm that it peels right off. And you know he's getting old. Personally, I think he prefers his food more whole these days because he likes to pretend he killed the thing himself. 

Randi: (Um....)

Goblin #1: Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, the totem pole dance is starting! Let's go!

Goblin #2: I can't leave the food!

Goblin #1: Yes, you can. It's not as if it's going anywhere.

Goblin #2: *sigh* Fine.

Randi: (Well, there's no way I'm dying without a fight!) *tries to propel himself out of the stew*

Just... a little...farther.... *can't quite reach the rim of the cauldron* Geez, this is a lousy way to die. I can't die this way! I am THE-

Covert Voice: *harsh, loud whisper* Psst! Grab my hand!

Randi: *looks up to see a slender human hand – a hand that belongs to someone standing _outside_ of the cauldron- straining towards him* *grabs the hand and is immediately flung from the cauldron to land head-first onto a patch of grass 20 feet from the Goblin's cooking area* Ohhh, my head.

Girl: Oh, my love! I didn't hurt you, did I? *pounces onto Randi and starts showering his face with kisses* My beloved! *kiss* I thought I'd lost you! *kiss* You idiot! Of all things *kiss* you *kiss* had to go and get yourself captured by Goblins! *pinch* Baka! *kiss on the lips*

Randi: (I have absolutely no idea what's happening, but-) *French kisses the girl back*

Girl: *gasps and shoves Randi onto his back* You... You're not Dyluck!

{Randi slowly opens his eyes to see a beautiful orange/ blond-haired blue-eyed girl, probably about his age, standing over him. She wears a full suit: an elegant sleeveless pink shirt and matching baggy pants. Each wrist is adorned with an identical flat green bracelet, she wears shoes of the same shade of aqua-green, and atop her pony-tailed hair is a tiny cone-shaped hat to match. He has never seen anyone with such a pissed expression, including the Elder.} 

Girl in Pink: You _kissed_ me and you're not Dyluck! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Yuck! *spits profusely in an attempt to purge the kiss from her mouth* 

Randi: *starts to get up* * a bit dazed but knows what his male self wants* Well, no, I'm not Dyluck. But I really don't mind you kissing me. No need to apologize, babe.

Girl in Pink: What? How infuriating! That's it! I'm throwing you back into the pot! *starts dragging Randi by his arm*

Randi: Huh? No, wait! If you drag me back they'll get you, too!

Girl in Pink: *still dragging, not deigning to look at Randi* And why do you think that? I saved you without being detected, didn't I?

Randi: I'll scream.

Girl in Pink:*stops dragging and glares at Randi* Baka. *drops his arm and makes her way into the woods*

Randi: *gets up and hurriedly follows* Hey! Wait up!

Girl in Pink: *walking without stopping* Look, just leave me alone, okay? I can't stand perverts!

Randi: *a few steps behind* Hey! C'mon, it wasn't my fault! You initiated it!

Girl in Pink: *still walking* Hah! I _thought_ you were someone else. 

Randi: But Dyluck has blond hair! That was a pretty stupid mistake. Are you sure you're not delusional? 

Girl in Pink: *pauses and looks at Randi hard* You know Dyluck? 

Randi: Yeah. I talked to him just before he left for a witch hunt. *thinking* Or was it a werewolf hunt? *shrugs* I not sure. I think I was high on something at the time. 

Girl in Pink: Oh, my gosh! They sent him after Elinese? Shit! *starts walking again, faster this time*

Randi: What? Hold it! What are you talking about? *clamps a hand on her shoulder* 

Girl in Pink: Get your hand off of me, perv! *flings off his hand and resumes her pace*

Randi: As I already said, you started it.

Girl in Pink: And as _I_ already said, it was just a horrible, disgusting mistake. So what, do you just kiss any girl?

Randi: *reached her side, matching her pace* *quickly* Yes. Uh *trying to mend his speech*, I mean-

Girl in Pink: *rolling eyes*

Randi: not _every_ girl. Just the sexy ones.

Girl in Pink: Grrrrrrrrrrr! Get over it!

Randi: *realizes they have reached the spot where he had been arrested* *pulls on the girl's hand to stop her* *low* Did I ever tell you what a great kisser you are? *lowers head to kiss her*

Girl in Pink: Oh puh-lease! You've even got Goblin stew all over you. *yanks his arm and flips him into the river* Go take a bath! Pervert! 

Randi: *clamoring towards the surface of the water* *sputtering, looks around and doesn't see the Girl in Pink anywhere* (...she's gone. And she was such a babe....) *clumsily raising a fist in frustration, shouting* I AM _NOT_ A PERVERT! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayermyst: So much fun! Hehe! I mean, really, Squaresoft jipped us all on the relationships aspect of the story. Look at me; I'm providing a social service! Woo-hoo!


	6. Flailing and Twirling

Disclaimer: 

Disclaimer: 

Sayermyst: *sigh* The Secret of Mana is _still_ Squaresoft's. Just because _somebody_ had to go insane in the middle of a mission!

Dilandau: Muero! MUERO!

Sayermyst: Gaaaaa! Bad Dilandau! Flame throwers are NOT to be played with inside. Go practice outside. Van! VAN!

Van: What?

Sayermyst: I've decided to use a more... um...inconspicuous approach to my problem. You have wings. You can pull off a covert operation, right?

Van: *sweatdrop* Um....

Sayermyst: Good.

Notes: It keeps getting weirder and weirder! What was I thinking! ...Oh, wait; I guess I wasn't. If you want to know, at the time of writing this chapter I was running on quite a significant amount of hot raspberry-chocolate coca! Yum! I did, however, manage to do justice to many of the less noticeable characters, I'm sure....

{At the gates of Pandora}

Randi: *cupping hands around his mouth* Heeeeeeelllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Guard: *from the watch tower* Who goes there? *spots Randi* Gee gades, man! It's almost night! You'd better get somewhere safe.

Randi: Um...yeah. *shouting* So could you let me in?

Guard: ... *rushes to ground level and opens the eye-slot of the gate* Sorry sir, but access is strictly prohibited. You need a Class Hero ID with your portrait and your birth certificate.

Randi: But, *whiny* I don't want to stay out here all alone! The Rabites will eat me! * end whiny* Besides, *lifting eyebrows* a Mana Knight doesn't need an ID, does he? 

Guard: No, I'm sure a Mana Knight wouldn't. I'm also pretty sure any true Man of Anything wouldn't be afraid of Rabites eating him in his sleep. Now, do you have an ID or not?

Randi: *haughtily tossing his head* Can't you just tell I'm the Mana Knight? Seriously, *pulls out the Mana Sword* I even have the Mana Sword.

Guard: *glances down at the extremely rusty sword* Yeah, uh-huh. Are you blind, kid? That sword's so ugly-

*The sword glows and zaps the wooden door, splintering it into a million shards. The smoke dissipates to reveal... yet another door, behind which the guard is still safely standing.*

Randi: *lowering his arm which he had used to protect his face* *sees the guard's eyes narrowing at him through the slot* Well, I _tried_ to tell you. Now c'mon, let me in!

Guard: *derisive laugh* Hah! A simple magic trick! Who do you think I am? The epitome of Gullible? I'm a soldier, remember? I've seen tons of swords like that! 

*sword glows again*

Guard: *glares warningly at the sword* I wouldn't do that again if I were you. _This_ gate is reinforced with the spell Wall, so if you zap it, the bolt will bounce right of and fry _you_. *looks at Randi* _And_ you.

*sword stops glowing*

Randi: ... I'll pay you.

Guard: Deal. *opens the gate slowly as Randi places 50gp (he could afford to be generous) in his hand* *grumbles* If you want to become a zombie, that's none of my business....

Randi: What?

Guard: *counting the bribery gp* Huh? Oh, nothing. Just be on your guard. There's a lot of corruption going on in this kingdom, believe you me.

Randi: Oh, okay. 

*The Mana Sword zaps the guard on the butt. The guard screams and drops the gp, running in circles like a chicken with it's head chopped off and making enough racket to wake the dead* (Sayermyst: It's just an expression. If his noise could really wake the dead, there wouldn't be zombie people anymore, now would there?)

Randi: *sweatdrops* Naughty Mana Sword! Naughty! Even though that _was_ funny....*sheaths the Mana Sword* (Huh? None of that noise attracted any attention?) *pauses for a moment to observe the eerie silence* O-kay. This is really creepy. *sees a man repeatedly walking into the wall of a building* Um...sir? *tapping on shoulder* Sir? SIR? Hello? What's going on in this kingdom?

Random Pandora Citizen #1: *without acknowledging Randi's presence* ..........

Randi: Geez...you don't have to give me a cold shoulder just because I'm an outsider. If you want me to leave you alone, just say so.

Random Pandora Citizen #1: .........

Randi: *being smart-assed* Ohhh, so you don't want me to leave you alone, do you?

Random Pandora Citizen #1:........

Randi: You know, you could get rid of me very easily if you just gave me a little bit of information.

Random Pandora Citizen #1:.........

Randi: *turning away* Talk about an attitude problem. *grumbling* Rude bastard.... *walks into the local Inn*

Clerk: I'M GONNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA LOSE MY MIND! I DON'T WANNA BE A MINDLESS ZOMBIE! *flailing arms wildly and spinning in circles* STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU $#!&ING ZOMBIE SPIRITS! STAY _AWAY_!

Randi: *blink* 

Clerk: *sees Randi* GET OUTTA HERE YOU FRIKIN' ZOMBIE!

Randi: I'm not a zombie!

Clerk: *stops yelling* Oh. You can still talk. *still waving arms wildly and twirling in a circle* Well, then, what do you want?

Randi: I was wondering if I may stay for the night. I am THE-

Clerk: Mana Knight? Oh, okay. Sure. Just go ahead and make yourself at home.

Randi: *starts walking towards a bed*

Clerk: *abruptly* NOT! Who the hell do you think I am? Mr. Nicey Nice? You gotta pay for the room.

Randi: But it's not even a room! It's a bed. You don't even have a bathroom! I'll have to pee behind a bush tomorrow morning!

Clerk: Well, gee, I'm so sorry we live in a medieval society. Are you paying or not? My neck is aching from having to twist it to see you while chasing away the zombie spirits.

Randi: *sigh* How much?

Clerk: *eyeing the bulging pouch* ...70gp.

Randi: *pulls out the gp* Hey, wait a minute.... That sign says it's only 10gp!

Clerk: ...No, it doesn't. You're a peasant. You don't know how to read.

Randi: Yes, I do. And that sign says in big, bold letters that the cost is only 10gp!

Clerk: The cost is 70gp. Forget the sign. It's outdated.

Randi: Since when?

Clerk: Since a minute ago.

Randi: Hey!

Clerk: Look, I'm not the one who posted that sign in the first place. Squaresoft did. If I keep up that ridiculously low price, I'll be out of business and living on the grass before the month is over. Ever since the zombie thing settled over Pandora, _no_ _one_ has stayed here. Business isn't even a trickle, and I'm living hand to mouth! But did Squaresoft think about that? Noooooooo...of course not. 

Randi: Yeesh. Okay, okay! I get the point! *places the coins on the counter* But who's Squareso-

{bright lighting followed by a deafening boom sounds from not so far away}

Clerk: *swiping up the coins on one of his rotations* *chagrined* Heh heh, oh. You probably shouldn't say that name. _Somebody's_ *makes a snotty face* trying to tell a story. *suddenly his eyes cross and he collapses to the floor* *scrambles back onto his feet and starts shaking his fist and cursing at the ceiling* How dare you do that to me! I outta...!

Randi: (Weird guy....) *crawls into the bed at the farthest end of the building and smashes the pillow over his head*

Sayermyst: Shhhhhhh! Randi's trying to sleep! 

Clerk: *more profanity*

Sayermyst: I swear, if you don't stop, I'll have you turn into a zombie.

Clerk: Eep! *resumes frantic movements of flailing and twirling that had momentarily been forgotten*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Day4

Clerk: Psst! Hey Mr. Wannabe Mana Knight.... Hey!

Randi: *cracking his eyes open*

Clerk: Hey!

Randi: *groggily staring at the clerk*

Clerk: *WHAM! Hits Randi on the head with the cash register*

Randi: *springing into an upright sitting position* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!

Clerk: *surprised* Oh. I thought you were a zombie. 

Randi: Why?!

Clerk: *retreating behind the counter* You weren't answering. ...Sorry about that huge gash I pounded into your forehead. Here, *pulls something out of his pocket and tosses it to the now-standing Randi* have a candy.

Randi: *grumbling, eats the candy* *examines himself in a grimy window after the candy heals the wound a bit* (Damn. That's probably going to leave a scar....) 

Clerk: *nervously* Here. You can have this coupon for the convenience store. I'm sorry. I'm very, very, VERY sor-

Randi: WHOA! Any one item free? Woo-hoo! *skimpers out the door and bursts into the convenience store* 

Clerk: I'M GONNA DIE! *flailing arms and turning in circles* I DON'T WANNA BECOME A MINDLESS ZOMBIE! *sees Randi* STAY _AWAY_ FROM ME YOU FU-!

Randi: I AM NOT A ZOMBIE! 

Clerk: Oh. *spinning in circles* So, what do you want?

Randi: What'cha got?

Clerk: Well *rotation* I've got *rotation* a few things that *rotation* might interest you *rotation*....

Randi: Like armor?

Clerk: Um...*rotation* Does this *rotation* Kung Fu suit *rotation* interest you? It's on sale for 25gp.

Randi: ...It's made for a woman.

Clerk: Exactly! *rotation*

Randi: (?)

Clerk: What better protection is *rotation* there than knowing that *rotation* the one you love is safe? *swatting around his face with one hand*

Randi: I don't have a girlf-...er..I mean, my girlfriend wouldn't like something so... black.

Clerk: Oh *rotation* I see. *puts away a Kung Fu suit* *rotation* Well then how about *rotation* this bright pink ribbon? *rotation* 55gp.

Randi: 55 gp? For a hair ribbon?

Clerk: It's made of *rotation* silktail. 

Randi: *baffled* But how would it protect someone?

Clerk: *rotation* It keeps the hair out of your eyes so you don't go blind.

Randi: .... Do you have anything for a man?

Clerk: Um...no. *rotation*

Randi: Awwwww. Just my luck. *pulls out the coupon* And here I have a coupon for one free item....

Clerk: *stops mid-spin and tries to snatch away the coupon*

Randi: *grabs the coupon out of reach*

Clerk: *rotation* Damn that inn manager.... Keeping my *rotation* coupons to use during *rotation* the worst of times....Damn him. 

Randi: So...what else do you have?

Clerk:...Oh, uh-hem, you know... *rotation* ... the usual stuff. *rotation* Candy. *rotation* Chocolate. *rotation* Herbs. 

Randi: (But I already have all of those....) What's you're most expensive item?

Clerk: Faerie...er...candy. Candy is the most expensive item. Why don't you use that coupon on a candy?

Randi: Yeah, right. You're lying. I want... *slyly narrowing eyes* that ribbon made of silktail.

Clerk: Nooooo! *rotation* I mean... *cheesy smile* *rotation* ...you don't want that. In fact, the pink ribbon is the _cheapest_ item. 

Randi: Then you shouldn't have any heartache over me using this coupon on it. Now give me the ribbon!

Clerk: *increasingly nervous* But...but...it's made for a woman! *rotation*

Randi: Give. Me. The. Ribbon. Now! Or I'm calling a guard on account of your fraudulent business! 

Clerk: Fine! *dangling the ribbon from fingers* *rotation* But you have to give me the coupon, first.

Randi: Oh, right. Uh-uh. Give me the ribbon, and _then_ I'll give you the coupon.

Clerk: Highly dubious.*rotation* You'll just run away with the coupon *rotation*, sell it to someone else *rotation*, and then they'll harass me, too.

Randi: Well you'll just tear up the coupon before giving me the ribbon!

{pause}

Clerk:... At the same time, then. *rotation*

Randi:...Fine. One....

Clerk: Two....

Both: Three! *switch the coupon for the ribbon, and vise versa* *glare*

Randi: I'm leaving now.

Clerk: *rotation* Then go. *folding arms over chest*

Randi: *cocky* I will. * swings open the door and lets it slam behind him* *fingers the bright pink ribbon* (Well, this certainly isn't going to waste. I paid good... a good coupon, for this.) *with the bandanna still on, ties the bright pink ribbon around his luscious hair* 

Sayermyst: Oh, my gosh! I just had an image of a new type of troll doll!

Randi: *peering at the sky* Excuse me?

Sayermyst: (whoops)....

Randi: Stupid voices....

Lady: *giggle* *giggle* *snort* How ridiculous!

Randi: *sees a woman of high rank (by the looks of her poofy dress) who has poofy, styled, neon green hair* (Nice!) Oh, hello! You're...you're not a zombie, I see.

Poofy Noblewoman: *giggle* *laugh* Of course not, you foolish peasant boy! Only lowly peasants and civilians are turned into zombies. *giggle* 

Randi: Would you happen to know the way to Gaia's Navel?

Poofy Noblewoman: To what? *gasp* Why you perverted little peasant boy! How dare you speak of a lady of ill repute in my presence. And to even _dare_ speak of her navel! My word! *tries to slap Randi*

Randi: *dodges* What? No! Gaia's Navel is-

Poofy Noblewoman: *gasp* Don't you ever shut up? *tries running after Randi to deliver punishment but ends up falling in a heap of skirts and petticoats* *shrilly* Ahhhhhhh! Someone help me! This snotty little peasant boy can see my ankles! *banging fists on the ground* Heeeeeeeeeellllp!

Randi: * looking on nervously* Er.... 

Woman Wearing a Nightcap: *walking closer*

Randi: *sees Woman Wearing a Nightcap approaching* Ack! I didn't mean to do it! I swear it was just an acci-...huh? 

Woman Wearing a Nightcap: *walks by, staring into space*

Randi: *walking backwards ahead of the Woman Wearing a Nightcap* So...I'm not in trouble?

Woman Wearing a Nightcap: ........

Poofy Noblewoman: Help me up you senile hag! Now! Don't you dare walk away from me!

Randi: (Mmmmm....) Say absolutely nothing if I'm not in trouble.

Woman Wearing a Nightcap: ........

Randi: Woo-hoo! I'm absolved! *dances away to the-* Armor Shoppe! No way! And that convenience store clerk didn't even have the decency to tell me.... *walks in*

Clerk: *wildy waving hands and twirling in circles*

Randi: I am NOT a zombie!

Clerk: .......*still frantically moving*

Randi: Excuse me?

Clerk: ........

Randi: Hello? HELLO? I'd like to buy some armor. *thinking the clerk is deaf, enunciates each word in a loud, slow voice* _I WOULD LIKE TO BUY SOME-_

Old Grey-Haired Woman: Sad, isn't it? That man is stuck trying to chase away the supposed zombie spirits because he fell under the zombie spell while trying to keep it away. Been this way for quite some time now. *sympathetic* It's as if he's lost his will to live....

Randi: Oh. (And I was _so_ close to getting a real suit of armor....) 

Old Grey-Haired Woman: *slapping her thigh* *cackles* But he's a whole lot better this way! Ha! Lookit 'im twirl! He'll probably be doin' this 'till the day I die... and I'll be there to watch him the whole time! *more cackling*

Randi: *sweatdrop* Um...you wouldn't happen to know the way to Gaia's Navel, would you? 

Old Grey-Haired Woman: *flinging pieces of grass in the clerk's face and laughing* *tearing her eyes off of the clerk* Heard of it, but never gone there. I'm sure you could find someone in the castle, though, who knows how to get there.

Randi: (The castle! Of course!) Thanks! *rushes away to the castle*

Old Grey-Haired Woman: *cackle* Don't mention it, sonny! *resumes flicking grass at the clerk's emotionless face*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sayermyst: You see? Now you don't have to wonder what a kingdom full of zombie people is like. Since by now you're probably looking at me with a squinty eye, I'll offer a few explanations....

  1. The Annoying factor of the people- Did you ever notice just how annoying and rude the people actually are in Pandora?
  2. And once again...I AM THE AUTHOR!
  3. The Ribbon- I know of many a male who would, to get the best deal they can out of their money/coupon, buy something that happens to be of absolutely no use to them. However, Randi is one of those SMART males, what with being the Mana Knight, and he _does_ put the product of his purchase into use.
  4. Flicking Grass- Well, geez, that's what _I_ would have done! Either flick grass and find humor in the zombie-fied kingdom you live in....or go insane. I, for one, choose not to be insane.


End file.
